Police say that a former Illinois cop pretended to be a “massage parlor inspector” in order to get free nude massages. Based on the fact that we’re reporting on this, you can probably guess how it ended.

Former Illinois cop Edward Justin La Porte is being arraigned today after walking into a Lake Forest, California massage parlor in January impersonating a police officer.

According to police reports, La Porte showed the manager of the unnamed massage parlor a pistol and a badge under the guise of being a “massage parlor inspector”. The manager allowed La Porte access to the establishment where La Porte walked around with a clipboard and took notes.

La Porte then allegedly demanded a massage from the manager due to his gun holster “hurting his shoulder.” When the manager sent a masseuse in to take care of him, La Porte was allegedly found entirely nude on the massage table.

After rubbing La Porte’s back and shoulders, the masseuse claims La Porte turned over and asked her to massage his front side. The implication of sexual favors caused the masseuse to end the session.

Upon leaving, La Porte demanded $200 for the inspection. When told that the parlor didn’t have that money, La Porte said he’d come back later. He was later arrested after the manager called Lake Forest police.

Who would have guessed that this clever scheme of pretending to be a police officer, soliciting free massages and possible sexual favors, and trying to steal money from a local business would go wrong? Oh, that’s right, someone who actually was a cop.

Key takeaways: Massage parlors are kind of gullible. But don’t imply you need a happy ending, just demand it. Probably at gunpoint. I may have missed the point of this article.

Cops: Man Claimed to Be Massage Parlor Inspector for Free Naked Rubdown [AOL News]

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